Half-scare

That. That figuratively sent a shiver down my spine (because it actually didn't, and I like to be dramatic). That's really adaptable. Is that why I was told those words? I need some reinforcements. Although it'll feel like such a waste, but it'll be worth it, won't it? Really got to learn how to read some day.


Just like old times. I really don't like the sound of that. Perhaps this is slightly different. The extent isn't that directly great. I hope.

Will it feel different; better? Or should I just leave well alone. Technically, it's not my business. I'm just feeling indignation. What good is ego, huh?


Getting that dried-mouth feeling isn't fun. That heart-pounding sensation; that cold sweat; that insistent frown upon my face. I wonder why it's happening this time. Is it because I'm confused? Will I feel better if it's set on the right path? Will I be gullible or reckless?


Was any of what happened real? Or was it really just target practice?

Que Sera, Sera

You're so much stronger than before. Come on! Live your own life, why don't you.

If there's nothing else to believe in, why not believe in this: What's yours will be yours. What's not yours will never stay with you. Take a hint, and, well, take a hike, I guess.

There will always be people who care about you. Why forsake them for someone who doesn't? Sure, it may sound vindictive, but living aimlessly isn't the way. Find your own path; find your own way; find your own happiness!

You used to love writing. What happened? Aside from the incessant minutes writing, there MUST be a creative outlet. Why are you spending time on something unrewarding?

Like they used to say in school, "Wake up your idea!" Love yourself before people can begin to love you.

<3

I have over-active tear ducts, and it's troublesome

That day at work, I was just on the verge of tearing up after a conversation with someone from Business. It was merely a rant, and we both knew fully well that I wasn't at fault; I was just an easy channel to vent. I didn't particularly mind. It wasn't like she was going around ruining my reputation or falsely (and purposely) misquoting me. 

The tears (damn them!) just welled up right when I put down the phone. Right as I was preparing to relay what to say to my boss. Right as he asked what happened, because I had unknowingly raised my voice, and the office was rather quiet. 

Even if it wasn't right at that moment that I had to brief him on what happened, I would have had those annoying tear ducts springing into action. So it didn't really make any difference, the timing. Even if I had gone into the washroom to cool down a bit, I would have choked on my words. 

It wasn't that I was particularly upset over this episode. I wasn't. This wasn't the instance where I felt like I was being played by a distant co-worker, where I felt the frustration and the indignation. Unlike that episode, I was glad that this time, there wasn't a crowd around to stare as I reiterated what had happened. And thank goodness there was a gap of one empty cubicle between the boss and I. I recovered quickly - whether or not he saw or heard the slip. There is really no justification for tears in this situation. I mean, really! It was just one phone call. I'm so much stronger than that! Right?

Maybe some history is in order. I remember when I was in Primary school. I have no idea how many times I've cried in school. And over nothing. It's not like "Oh in retrospect, it was such a silly matter not worth crying over. Why did I cry then? Oh har de dar, the past is the past." Nope! It was more of a "Wait, why are there tears? Stop it! What the hell? You're just talking to a teacher!" Well, dang. 

Maybe it's fear. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's frustration. Maybe I'm just too damned sensitive. Maybe it's because it's the unknown. Things that happen out of the norm. Who knows? Just... pretend you don't see my tears. Let's pretend that my eyes are just too dry, and they're self-regulating the moisture content. Just don't point it out, don't try to console me, and it'll be over in a few seconds. 

Unless I'm outright sobbing. Maybe that's the time to slowly move away, damn it! Just kidding. Maybe I just need a hug. I just have to find a suitable willing party. 

Are you for real?

Right. You say something doesn't work somewhere, but elsewhere it seems to work just fine, doesn't it? Like, literally minutes later. The hell, man? That's so not cool.


Pffft!